I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
