Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
