Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's always time for handjobs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
