Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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