We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
