He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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