In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
