theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
