I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
