i jhust puked up my retainher.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
