And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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