I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize