I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
