I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize