I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize