it was like his penis was on wheels.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
