This is not my ceiling
he shaved USA in his pubs
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
