all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
