hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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