Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
