I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
