So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
