"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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