Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
