I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
