It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Randomize
