How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize