I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
