had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
