i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
