Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm at about main and main street
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
