Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
