Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
