you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
