it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
