I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
