tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
