i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
