hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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