my shit smells like andre
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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