Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize