I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
