Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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