the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
