No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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