So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
