Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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