i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize