my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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