I bet he comes in French.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
