the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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