everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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