TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
