We're facebook friends in real life
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
