1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
