also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
