if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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