Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His hands were made for my vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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