You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
