He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
