just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
