well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
