and she was petting her beer can
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
