White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
