flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
we're so committed to being not committed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
