She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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