I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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