All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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