I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She said her name was "party"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
