I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
