I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
