i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
