it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
