ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
