Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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