so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it because I queefed?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wear drunk well.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
