When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
