I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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