He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
