i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
