Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
