My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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